Your partner’s sexual addiction has the power to set in motion the ultimate unintended journey — from loss of control and deep-seated fear to Christ-centered victory over the darkest strongholds in your life.
You’ve been handed an [undesirable] choice.
Choose to brave this path on which you’ve been placed to heal beyond the scars of betrayal into past traumas that hold you captive. You won’t walk it alone as I lend you my hand to say, “You can heal. Let me show you how I’m doing it.”
Find Your Path
To Healing on Your Terms
Our stories are never identical. How slow or how fast you progress through your healing journey rests on the difficult choices you make to recover from the effects of a partner’s betrayal and the brokenness that may have led up to this point.
While your partner’s investment in his own recovery remains his own (my husband, Dan Andrew, offers BraveHearts-certified sex addiction mentoring for men here), you are in control of initiating a quality recovery team that will promote healing through the following stages:
Safety & Stabilization
After discovering betrayal within your relationship, we’ll build a strong recovery team of licensed counselors and safe support groups who will assist in helping you create healthy boundaries, establishing your safety, and working through ways to manage triggers.
Remembering & Mourning
You’ll learn how to grieve your losses and accept your reality through the lens of God’s faithfulness, address potential separation or divorce, and for some, begin treatments from trained professionals. Because we’re products of our past, we’ll also work through the traumas and fears that may have contributed to your current moment.
We’ll move forward to regain your voice and rebuild trust in yourself and relationships. And while forgiveness can be difficult, it’s an empowering process that can bring about both restoration and personal freedom.
I waited patiently for the Lord,
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and the mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.
5 First Steps Toward Safety
The discovery of betrayal is a shock that calls into question the safety of your partner, your friends, and even your home. Here are five simple and defined ways to move towards emotional safety.
1. Build a professional recovery team. Family and friends may be supportive, but professionals trained in the trauma surrounding betrayal and sex addiction offer research-based techniques and the wisdom of experience you’ll require to heal. Also attend a support group — a safe community of women walking in your shoes — who will offer connection in the loneliness of this journey.
2. Ask for what you need. We expect relationships to be built on trust, love, and mutual respect. While you can’t control your partner or the people in your life, you can be empowered to request and act on what you need to feel emotionally secure.
3. Be selective about disclosing your crisis. Betrayal unveils anger, resentment, and shock that can send you looking for answers (and revealing your partner’s indiscretions) to “unsafe” ears. Exercise caution in who you tell — choosing only people who will humbly support you and honor your choices as you wade through a long and often messy journey.
4. Allow for self-care that pushes you towards recovery. Pursue activities and choices that result in greater peace in your life. Allow yourself to say a guiltless “no” when commitments become overwhelming, pray, permit yourself to cry, exercise to release stress, and go out in nature for a bigger perspective.
5. Learn the tools that will ground you when things get tough. Triggers related to your betrayal may manifest in physical or emotional ways. But you’re not at their mercy. Learn the tools, through mentoring, that will diffuse overwhelming responses and empower you to make healthy choices.